Ellen: We’re here today speaking with Hazel, Burnley, and Snuggleball for an exclusive interview about life with one of LLNE’s co-webmasters, Artie Berns.
Sara: We want to get to know the real Artie better, and we thought we’d start by asking you to introduce yourselves and then we have a few questions about life with Artie.
Hazel: Hi Sara and Ellen, my name is Hazel, or sometimes Hazelbug, or just Bug for short. I live with my mom and dad and two cats that don’t seem to want to hang out with me despite my always paying a lot of attention to them. I’ve lived with my people since I was a puppy. I am five years old.
Burnley: I can speak for myself dog. My name is Fanciful J. Catworth. My humans call me Burnley for some reason. I’ve been living among these humans for all my life. Life was great until about five years ago when they brought the dog home.
Snuggleball: Hi I’m Snuggleball. I’m sorry, I just am not sure why you’re talking to me. Perhaps you could just leave me alone, or better yet distract that dog so I can take a nap. My name was something else before my humans rescued me from the animal shelter.
Ellen: What does Artie do for fun?
Burnley: I’m quite certain his favorite thing to do is to hang out with me in the basement where the dog isn’t.
Hazel: Sometimes dad chases me around the backyard or takes me for a walk around the neigborhood. I’m sure if you asked him he would agree that those are the funnest things he could possibly do.
Snuggleball: Why do you keep bothering me? Is there any food in my dish?
Sara: What is your favorite thing about Artie?
Snuggleball: He brings me the foods.
Hazel and Burnley: Yeah food.
Hazel: I also like him because he always gives me part of his dinner.
Ellen: What is your least favorite thing about Artie?
Hazel: sometimes he withholds yummy looking foods. He says they’re not good for dogs, but I’m willing to risk it man!
Snuggleball: He sometimes distracts me when I am trying to take a nap. Speaking of which…
Burnley: He seems to like the dog. I am against such things.
Sara: What is Artie’s favorite guilty pleasure?
Hazel: I’m not sure what that means.
Burnley: It’s a thing that is probably bad or in bad taste that he enjoys. Again, I think the answer for this is the dog.
Snuggleball: Yeah, the dog….
Ellen: This brings us to our final question: If Artie won the lottery what would he do with the money?
Burnley: He doesn’t really confide in me about finances. But, I believe he would invest heavily in Friskies Party Mix cat treats. This is clearly a sound investment considering how delicious they are.
Snuggleball: No, that’s not right. A smart human would invest heavily in stock tips gleaned from Reddit.
Hazel: Buy more foods to share with me.